Single Mom, Married Life

Can I be real for a second? One area I feel is often missed or misunderstood in many communities is the support and advice given to spouses of military, first responders and those whose spouses travel for weeks to months at a time for their job(linemen, outages, contractors etc.) Now there are some organizations in place to help -sort of- but if I’m being real, I’m not about to tell a complete stranger that is a part of this support organization(that I’ve never met and won’t be around at the end of these orders) that I’m completely falling apart all while my car broke down, dishwasher broke, son is having surgery in a week and I’m still working 40+ hours a week a week after my husband just left for a year long deployment.

While people seemingly have the best heart and intentions behind comments like “I don’t know how you do it” or “I know I never would make it if I were you” it offers little to no comfort when actually faced with the reality that this is your family dynamic for the rest of your lives. My goal is to start a blog and community with the hopes to encourage those who are walking this path along side me. There is purpose and a light and honestly a GIFT to be seen in your marriage through these seasons you face. We have an opportunity to experience a marriage on a much deeper appreciation and that truly can be a gift. I want to use this as a place to discuss the rarely addressed issues of marriage AND allow it to be a place free to ask the most outrageous questions. We can discuss things like effective communication, family dynamics, children, sex and intimacy as it pertains to having a marriage that revolves around ever-changing and unpredictable schedules, sometimes meaning you haven’t/won’t see your spouse for several months. Answer questions together like:

How do you keep intimacy alive in a marriage when your spouse is gone for 9-12 months at a time?

How do you keep a positive light on a parents job when all the children see is their job suddenly takes their parent away for a long time?

How do you keep it together for yourself AND for your children when you have to see your spouse off yet again for another 3 month trip?

I don’t have the clear, solid answers but I do have some experience and continue to gain new experience as our years married progress. I also hope this gives a place for all of us to share with each other from our different years of experience and different walks of life. The reality is we all face the same struggles of loneliness, self doubts, and feeling the weight to keep an entire household running without missing a beat all while maintaining professional careers etc. and the weight/worthless feeling of when we inevitably fail to meet our own unattainable expectations.